“Stressed-out” is a colloquial term for getting upset over some difficult life situation. We hear people use this phrase loosely in statements such as, “I am stressed-out to the max at work!” What they are saying in effect is, “I am upset about my job.” Stressed-out people invariably feel that something is not right in their life. Their balloon is quite inflated. They often suffer from various stress symptoms such as sleeplessness, headache, worry, anxiety, sadness, etc. Unless they quickly deal with the upsetting situation and shrink their balloon, they could soon develop a full-blown stress-related disorder such as depression.

“Nervous breakdown” is another colloquial term used by some people to describe a state of mind in which they suffered such great emotional distress that they ceased to function normally for a few days, weeks or even months. Taking careful history would reveal that most of these people had suffered from a serious depressive, anxiety or psychotic episode. Simply put, their balloon popped; their brain chemicals went into imbalance mode and their mind felt, “I just can’t take this pain any more!“ Many give history of being hospitalized for the treatment of their serious disorder. People with history of “nervous breakdown” are highly vulnerable to future episodes of the same as, having popped once or twice, their balloon is, figuratively speaking, weak; and they usually have lots and lots of buried emotions in their soda bottle/hidden mind, which could fizz up even with least little emotional turmoil. Besides, most likely they never addressed the issues that caused their balloon to pop in the first place; and did not learn any new coping skills.

7. Is there such a thing as “good stress“?

When asked if they have any stress in their life, many people say, “The only stress I have in my life now is good stress.” “Good stress” is defined by most people as a happy event or situation which put some extra emotional, physical or financial burden on them: birth of a baby; promotion at work, passing an examination, a child graduating from school, passing a medical examination in flying colors, etc. Superficially, all these are wonderful things to happen to anyone. However, birth of a baby could be secretly stressful because of the additional expenses, loss of wife’s income, and the like. Promotion at work might mean more responsibility, more work and longer working hours. Passing an examination might mean having to search for a job and having to give up dependency on parents. A child leaving home for college could bring on the so-called empty nest syndrome in parents whose main focus in life was the child; now they must face issues between them that they never addressed. A clean bill of health from a d

octor could make one pass out in fear if he is collecting disability checks every month claiming ill health. So we must look at the hidden bad effect of the so-called good stressors on one's current life to assess their real impact.

Also, even a genuinely good current event could bring up into the balloon deeply buried painful emotions from the hidden mind related to similar events from our past and cause serious stress symptoms, thus spoiling the happiness of the occasion. For example, the happy occasion of becoming a parent could bring up to the surface painful emotions related to serious conflicts one had with his or her own parents, resulting in severe stress symptoms in the new parent. This is often the case with postpartum depression we see in both women and men. The perfectly happy occasion of a second wedding to a wonderful man could bring up buried memories of a horrendous first marriage to, and divorce from, a brute, resulting in depression, anxiety or marital problems. I have seen many a second marriage thus ruined by the excess baggage from the first. So we must look beneath the surface to know exactly how a given “good stress” affects someone.

Truly “good stress” happens when an upsetting event makes us do better in life. Some common examples are: having to appear for an examination; having to pay for traffic ticket for speeding; having to prepare for a public lecture; having to meet the deadline to submit a rough draft of a book, and the like. These stressors motivate us to mobilize our inner resources to do better in life.

8. What does it take for us to have less stress in life?

High level of spiritual awareness and philosophical attitude is the key to less stress in life. People who have limited attachment to or desire for sense objects such as money, people, property, power, status, praise, approval, acceptance, relationship, etc., suffer less stress as they are not terribly upset by the loss, and they fear less about losing them. Their love for people and material things is non-possessive in nature. Naturally, they are not controlling and manipulative in their dealings with others. Because of their detached attitude, they rarely get into conflicts with others.

Also, people who are secure and content within themselves and with what little they have, suffer less stress. That is why saints and sages suffer little stress. They cope with life’s losses with philosophical musings and attitudes such as: you win some, you lose some; you can’t win them all; this comes with the territory; nothing is permanent in life; money comes, money goes; I did not bring money with me, I will not take it with me; you have got to do what you have got to do; you have to make do with what you have; you can not change Destiny; let go and let God; that is the nature of the beast; if I have it, fine, if I don't have it I will do without it; this is me, like it or not; if you like me, fine; if you don't like me that is fine, too; put this behind you and move on; hate will only hurt me; everybody has to die someday; forgive and move on; that is life; expect nothing in return when you help someone; so on and so forth. We all have a set of such philosophical attitudes -more or less- that help us cope with everyday life stressors whether we are conscious of them or not.

People who acknowledge their inner weaknesses (greed, insecurity, dishonesty, jealousy, etc.) and constantly struggle to control them do well in avoiding stress as these weaknesses are at the root of many of our everyday life problems. Controlling these human weaknesses automatically causes resurfacing of suppressed good qualities such as generosity, honesty, contentment, etc. People around us could easily recognize the change in us once we have better control over our weaknesses.

9. Who are vulnerable to stress?

Women are six time more likely to suffer stress than men. Why? Well, because of men. Starting early in childhood till late in life, they suffer violence in the hands of various men they encounter in their life: father, stepfather, uncle, mother’s boyfriends, teachers, pastors, coaches, boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, husbands, ex-husbands, strangers, pimps, doctors... you name it. All because they are seen as weak and easy target as sex objects. We live in a male dominated society no different than when we were prehistoric people.

People who have excessive attachment to and selfish desire for the sense objects (people, money, property, power, status, title, security, etc. ) suffer more stress as they react more to losses, and they constantly fear of losing these things. Increasing preoccupation with material things at the expense of spiritual aspects of life is at the root of most stress in the world today. Greed has crept into the fabric of our lives like never before. Here are some other factors that make people more vulnerable to stress: People who are temperamentally highly strung, that is, tense by nature; people who are oversensitive to rejection, criticism and losses as a result of severe childhood traumas; people who are overwhelmed by too many stressful situations happening all at once; people who have poor support system to see them through their difficult times; people who had many traumatic childhood experiences such as physical, emotional and sexual abuse; people who have low self-esteem due to severe parental control and punishment; people who are naive (not enough exposure); people with strong views, prejudices, beliefs and opinions (people who are inflexible or rigid ); people who are loaded with human weaknesses such as greed, insecurity, dishonesty, prejudice, jealousy, hate, vengeance, bitterness and other poisonous qualities; people who are close-minded and thus do not learn new essential information; people who have low capacity for self-awareness; people who have difficulty expressing their emotions; people who have poor problem solving skills; people who are overly controlling of others....so on and so forth.

It will gradually dawn on the reader that ultimately good coping and stress management means becoming a spiritually awakened person who struggles to eliminate his inner painful emotions such as anger, hate, fear; human weaknesses such as greed, dishonesty, insecurity, false pride, etc, and gets in touch with God-given attributes within him such as faith, forgiveness, fairness, honesty, contentment, joy, generosity, etc. Sacred texts of all great religions contain this fundamental message.